Wow. I have been silent for a while. A lot has happened. Personally, professionally, globally. I have really been wanting to write more and more, which is great. Because for a while, I really didn't. I had so much to say, and for some reason (still working through those reasons), so much doubt, fear, and trepidation crept into my head and I allowed it to stop me from saying anything. So, here I am. Fighting through those negative feelings and thoughts. Finding my voice. Again. There’s a lesson there. . .
I attained the job I was absolutely meant to do. I seriously feel like all of my previous careers, lessons, education (life, school, hard knocks), speed bumps, learning curves, personalities, great bosses, shit bosses, all of it, led me to this position. And all of it - just absolutely exactly what needed to happen when it needed to happen. What has unfolded has been almost absolutely what I asked for, and I am grateful. (obviously, I am not talking about Coronavirus here, but my new job).
And during this pandemic, I feel guilty for saying that I have positive news. However, I am also feeling like we cannot dwell on only the negative things that are happening in our world right now. Instead, we must bring light to all the wonderful art, heartfelt wonderous things people are doing for each other, neighborly acts of kindness (whether to actual neighbors or strangers), all of the good that is happening right alongside the absolute shitshow we are surviving. Mostly. Well, some of us. Some of us, not so fortunate.
I understand that I am writing from a place of privilege. I understand that this “Great Pause” we are living through is very, very different for absolutely each and every one of us. And I understand that we are all surviving in any way we can.
Each day in our household is a fresh, clean slate. Each day provides the opportunity to do something, perhaps a bit differently than we used to, but something that we used to love doing. Each day is a gift of time – whether spent alone or with COVID-19 quarantine roomies (hopefully you are as lucky as I am to actually enjoy your COVID-19 roomies) – to reassess, reevaluate, and regroup. I feel the pressure, of course, to learn a new language during this time! Learn to bake! Learn to knit! Learn something! Do something! Make SOMETHING! But I am really trying to resist the pressure if it doesn’t feel authentic. If it isn’t something I’ve been really wanting to do anyway but was previously “too busy” to do/learn, and it doesn’t spark that joy we are all looking for (thanks, Marie!), then I say no thank you and move on. Or just sit. Because sitting is ok, too.